The Bible Abridged

We've got this great big Bible. The NIV version sitting on my desk has 707 pages. Not too bad, actually -- I was expecting more. But, I also keep in mind that every page is two columns, and the font is designed to be as small as possible without requiring a magnifying glass. I'm pretty sure that if you printed the thing in a size and format standard to modern publishing, each book would be the size of a modern day book. Some, like the "lesser prophet" books would be more along the lines of a coffee table book, filled with pictures and interesting layouts. Others, like Isaiah or Jeremiah would be the equivalent of War and Peace. With 39 books in the Old Testament, and 27 in the New -- that's a lot of books. That's a lot of reading.

So it's easy to see why most of us pick a few verses to memorize and never bother reading the whole thing. It's a lot easier to let somebody older and wiser do the reading and tell us what to think. It's even easier to read the whole thing (or even NOT read the whole thing) and pretend that we know exactly what it's saying.

I don't know much of anything. I'm learning that lately.

A few years back, I took a class on directing with Lon Bumgarner, one of the most prolific directors, and truthfully, one of the most skilled and brilliant people I've ever met in my life. I soaked in everything he had to say in that far-too-short class. One of the things he taught me in that class, that has really stuck with me is how to accomplish a theme in a play or a film. He said that in two hours, you have the ability to teach people one thing.

One thing. In two hours.

He went further to say that if that thing is too confusing or too contradictory, you won't even be able to teach them that. In fact, he went on and on at great length to explain how frustratingly, horribly difficult it is to get the audience to think about that one thing. That every single moment, every single second of that play or film must have the sole intention of conveying that idea that you're trying to get across. Finally, he said that the idea you're trying to share has to be so simple that you might easily see it written on the wall in a public bathroom.

"When we leave school and go into the real world, we will be shocked by how much has changed" is impossible to convey.

"Everything changes" can be conveyed...in two hours...with considerable difficulty.

So then what’s the point of making a movie? Or putting on a play? Even writing a book follows the same ideas. When have you ever read a book that, when you boil it all down doesn’t say one simple sentence.

The same reason that our love letters don’t say. “I love you.” Sincerely, Austin. It has to be qualified. The idea has to be proven. That takes time. Two hours and considerable difficulty.

So what does the Bible say when we boil it down? Is that the purpose of having so many books? Does it take one book to say one thing? Is the Bible trying to say 66 things? Convey 66 ideas? That almost seems silly to me.

But does it seem silly to me because I think that that’s so many ideas, and surely the Bible can be condensed into something you would find right on the stall right above the toilet paper?

Or does it seem silly because surely the Bible is saying far, far more than 66 things?

I’m starting to think that it’s both. Which scares me...cause either way, I’m wrong. And either way, it seems that I’m thinking the Bible is silly.

So, I was thinking, if we condensed the Bible to a bumper sticker...pretending for one second that that isn’t horribly blasphemous...what exactly would that bumper sticker read?

“For God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten son, that whosoever believes in him would not perish, but have everlasting life?”

Well gosh, that’s a little lengthy for a bathroom wall. How about “God loves you.”

But that just means he loves us. I mean, that’s definitely what the Bible says, from page 1 to page 707. But, gosh, it must be something else, because the Bible also includes a whole lot of instructions, and surely that’s a big part of what God is trying to say through the Bible. So let’s try Luke 10:27, where Jesus is asked what the most important commandment is. (commandment just being a fancy word for rules or instructions)

“Love the Lord Your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your strength and all your mind. And Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Well, gee, thanks Jesus, we asked your for one, and you gave us two. That’s never going to fit on a bathroom wall.

Let’s try fixin’ ‘er up.

“Love everybody a lot. (including God)” Better?

That sounds pretty close to what the Bible is saying, right? I mean, Paul says at the end of 1st Corinthians 13 “And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

I mean, 1st Corinthians 13 as a whole is pretty much saying: “Dude, love everybody, no...seriously...you know how much you love people now? Love them more than that.”

Which is pretty similar to what people like Rob Bell say: “Love Wins!”

Awesome! We’ve got it! That’s it! If you abridge the Bible, and then abridge it some more, over and over again, eventually you end up with the simple phrase, “Love Wins.”

So the Bible is a message of Hope! Wait. Crap.

Cause Paul was just talking about Faith, Hope, and Love, with the greatest being Love. So the Bible can’t be a message of Hope. It must be a message of Love. Oooooh, or maybe it’s a message of Faith Hope AND Love...all three.

Gosh, you know, I want to keep making examples, but I feel like I’ve gone off on my tangent for long enough. You can’t condense the Bible. It does not perfectly condense into one simple message. And anybody who acts like it does is somebody you should not listen to. There’s a reason it’s 66 books, many of which extremely difficult to read.

If you talk about one verse long enough, you will end up quoting another verse. Have you ever heard a message or been to a bible study group where they spent like an hour going over one particular verse or short passage? They inevitably end up referring to some other passage in some other book! It’s all tied together.

What are the seven deadly sins according to the Catholic Church?

Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, Pride. I might argue that they’re all tied to pride. If we weren’t proud. If we weren’t so sure that we’re all too good for the rules, we wouldn’t be sinning so much. You might argue that Lust is really Greed. We want, we desire, we covet. We want what we don’t have. Well, holy crap...isn’t that Envy? They’re all tied together. Same with the virtues.

What IS sin?

I’ve heard it referred to as a lack of faith. We don’t fully believe that God is real, that we’re promised more, and we get sucked into this idea that this life is all there is...and so we act as if there is no God. Isn’t that what sin is?

I’ve heard that sin is a lack of love. The rules God has given us are there to protect others and protect ourselves. To sin is to stop showing love to them in some form or fashion. If we truly loved our neighbor, we wouldn’t envy him. You see? Isn’t that what sin is?

I’ve heard that sin is simply unhealthy. It’s bad for you, and in the end, it hurts you worst of all. God’s rules are just there to keep us from doing damage to ourself. Like the rule parents have that you’re not supposed to stick a fork in an electrical outlet. Isn’t THAT what sin is?

UGH! It gets so frustrating and confusing to try to narrow it down into simple, easy to understand little capsules.

It’s all difficult. It’s all confusing. The Bible teaches us a thousand things. And a second reading can teach us two thousand more. And you will never be able to fully understand it.

Not you, not your pastor, not Rob Bell, or Joel Olsteen, or Rick Warren, or your mom, or your cat. Not even Peter or Paul or Moses or David understood everything. I don’t even understand everything, and I sure think that I do sometimes.

So then, what do we do? I honestly don’t know. My best suggestion would be to stop trying to memorize your favorite verses, and start trying to memorize all 707 pages, every word of all 66 books. And if you ever get done with that, start trying to memorize one of the other translations. And even if you manage to memorize every single version, including the Greek, Latin and Hebrew...well...I guess I’d just suggest that you bear in mind that you still don’t know jack.

Because the Bible isn’t a two hour movie. It spans thousands of years. Also, it was c0-written by God...and I’ve heard he’s a better writer than Quentin Tarrantino.

So let’s stop pretending we have all the answers. And most of all, that means me.

The back of a book called “Velvet Elvis” says:

We have to test everything...Test it. Probe it...Just because I’m a Christian and I’m trying to articulate a Christian worldview doesn’t mean I’ve got it nailed. I’m contributing to the discussion. God has spoken, and the rest is commentary, right?