As I've been studying Paul's writings on what love is, and as I've only begun to scratch the surface of what it means to really love, I already realize how miserably short I have fallen.
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and knowledge, and if I have the faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all that I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
This is what Paul says before he starts talking about what love is.
I am a resounding gong. I am a clanging cymbal. I am nothing. I gain nothing.
I can talk to you all day about what it means to love, but I fall short; I am nothing; I gain nothing.
I am a writer, I have been writing for years...I understand the rules of writing. I have an extensive vocabulary. I know how to put words to my thoughts better than most people. I am also an actor, and after years of training and experience from some of the best directors and acting coaches and theatres in the country, I am fluent in body language and subtext. What I'm saying is: I excel at something most people find extremely difficulty -- translating ideas from vague concepts which dance through the minds of visionaries into a language that suits the every day Joe -- and often, I know exactly how to tell Joe this message in a way so that he not only gets it...he fully agrees with it.
I am only contributing to the noise.
I learned at a young age that I have an extremely high IQ. My mother told me this often growing up. Things that seem totally unambiguous to me are fully invisible to those many of those around me. Often, I am baffled by this. Sometimes, (in fact, most of the time) I think that smart people are better than "stupid" people. I look down on almost everyone around me. Stupid. Dumb. Ignorant. Naive. I "get" it. I can fathom a whole heck of a lot of the mysteries and I've got an exceptional amount of knowledge. You don't...therefore, I must be better than you are.
Paul makes it clear: I am nothing.
I was born with a genetic disorder. I could die at any moment. Literally. I may die before the end of the year. I may die tomorrow. I may die before I finish this sentence. As you could imagine, this is a pretty shocking thing to discover and come to grips with. Not to fret, there is always a silver lining. I am no longer afraid of death. My disorder puts the gift of life into perspective and demonstrates clearly that my life has a purpose and will end no sooner and no later than God desires. I would happily give my life for any of my friends or family. I would happily give my life for a stranger. I would happily give my life for any one of those "stupid" people I look down on. I would happily give my life for any of the people in my life who have hurt me the most.
Unfortunately, I would gain nothing.
So here I am, pretending I have something to say. If my words fail to impress, know that it is because I am vomiting them up and littering them across the highway. If you find them helpful, good luck to you, and I hope you are more successful in loving others than I am.
The truth is, I owe you an apology. You -- whoever is reading this. I owe you an apology for not loving you.
The sad thing is, I have a point in all of this. I'm looking to correct your behavior -- as annoying as that is. But if I tried to tell you to correct your behavior without admitting that I am screwing up in the EXACT SAME WAY...well...I'd be a hypocrite.
We so-called "Christians" have an awful reputation. (and I say we because I am one of you, and I too am contributing to the problem). We gripe and complain about how "the world" thinks we're terrible. We piss and moan about the unfair way Christians are portrayed in Hollywood. We wonder -- we actually have the gall to WONDER -- why they hate us so much.
We are resounding gongs. We are clanging cymbals. We are nothing. We gain nothing.
Sure, we see the problems in the world! We understand the impact of the sinful lives of the non-Christians around us. We see (often times they do not) the repercussions they will face as a result of those sins. Fine, great! So far so good. So we tell them. Awesome! We even do our best to tell them in a kind, loving, gentle way -- not shoving their sins in their face -- merely inviting them to take part in something better. So why don't they listen? Why do they hate us?
You can paint "I love you" on the side of a cymbal. It will still make the same amount of noise.
Take everything I have to say about love with a grain of salt. I am only a sinner. I have never loved another human being the way God has asked me to; I am inexperienced on the subject. If anything I have to say helps you love the people around you a teensy bit more: great. If you find me gong-ish or clanging cymbal-y, then stop reading. I apologize to you, whichever camp you fall into.
Because I don't love you. I wish I did. I do not, and I never have.
...but I am trying. And I'm learning that I need to try harder, and I'm hoping something I have to say helps you try harder too.
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